When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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