We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
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So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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