There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
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what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
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I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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