He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
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Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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