This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
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Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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