My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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