if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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