remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
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so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
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She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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