We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
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So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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