oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
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My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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