rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
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all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
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so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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