And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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