just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
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i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
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You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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