The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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