is your mom at the bar?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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drinking out of a sandbucket again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
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i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
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