roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
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i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
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drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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