I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
They took my balls.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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