Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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