note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize