Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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