Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just found puke in my bra..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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