About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize