Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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