help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Alive.
So much puke
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize