I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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