Moan for me like Helen Keller
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
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thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize