operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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