his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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