Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize