totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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