So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
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I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
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hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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