were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
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She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
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You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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