I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
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Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
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After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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