They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize