I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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