Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Randomize
Follow @tfln