you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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