if you like me you must not know who I am
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize