Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
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Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
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The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize