i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize