well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
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Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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