Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize