all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
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WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
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I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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