I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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