Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
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i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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