And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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