if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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