i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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