I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
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Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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