I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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